Currently Playing Odelay By Beck see related

- im a loser!!

Yeah, i'm not feeling much better cause i dont know im dreading to go back to school u know im excited to see Cat but after like that whole " Hey i love u its great to see u again" we really dont hang wut was all that excitment over if ur not gonna hang out w/ me in P.E. and ur gonna be semi pissed at me? like im excited to sleep and lay in bed at home thats my expertise i dont know since i was sick this week i really dont wanna get out and do anything when comes right down to it, i like when my dad gets excited to teach me an awsome song on the bass i makes my day sorta complete! now that he's been gone it seems like nobody really cares! but anyways i hope amanda's not mad at me she wanted to know the truth about everything so i sent her an email telling her that i loved elmo and that i could never have a chance in hell w/ him i'd be more lucky w/ my dog wait my dog hates me sounds like im back at sqaure 1~i'm not going to go out w/ nick it seems like everytime we get to be really good friends we screw that up , and we go off and hook up!! yeah well anyways i love u amanda i love elmo but its not gonna change our friendship!!! ~Jacque

Currently Playing Nirvana By Nirvana see related

- heart shaped box

Yeah havent wrote in here in a week, im so bored my mom left me here for like accuple hours now...sadness and boredom approaches very quickly when ur listening to some scottish disc jocky on 88.5 its pretty cool reminds me of my youth when i was into metal it was like my freaking like metal, metal, metal, and some more meta! yeah but anyways caleb carters probly gonna ask me out i dont think id ever go out w/ him either but hes an awsome guy !! but yeah theres accuple guys i like right now nick, the guy ive been head over heels for 3 years yeah its elmo but Amanda likes him and he wouldnt ever consider goiong out w/ me again, and i like dale but hes too old, i like that 7th grader but idk he probly wouldnt offer that effection i need u know i basicly blew it i could of had brandon but he was way too..... emotional! but here i sit wondering where i go after this i hate knox doss they're all little bitches there u know excuse my langueage but damn they dont ever just stop to give me a break they dont even understand the pain or the hollowness inside of me i dont wanna make friends w/ them i dont care!!! i'm alone inside u know im probly not going to amount to things i could be great in so many things everybody says i have great writing abilities i can write really good songs theyre not great to me theyre not! i could play bass so much better than i already do!! and i give so much crap to my dad when he really does love me i love him to but i dont know he just thinks of me as such a good kid sometimes then he thinks im so disgraceful as how i feel about things im not perfect i screw up idk i need help i reallly do my pasts is catching up w/ me and stuff and it makes me feel so sick and nasty cause u know i couldnt help wut happend to me as a child i cant! but i could helped falling in love w/ that loser matt who toook my heart and ripped it appart in millions of pieses this christmas will be a year since we've been really close u know the whole summer thing was just a fling wasnt the real thing i felt and thought of him but he screwed it all up!but anyways i need a real guy whose had a relationship who needs someone to talk to and someone who wants to take care of someone! i love everyone and i just feel really alone right now!!

this week has been a real trial for me im not very sure if i wanna really be w/ brandon anymore i know in mind mind i dont wan to but in my heart its a definet Jacqueline come on this will never work but i do really think it's over between me and him i think i was more attracted phisicly than the whole hmmmmm....... I  wanna spend the rest of my life w/ him dont get me wrong i may think i love him in my mind but again not in my heart!Me and him really dont have anything in common and i feel like we should have the sam outlooks on spirtual stuff like i dont mind that he dosent having the same feelings about god its just that hes always talking about how much he hates god and the bands i like are just crapy boybands!thats a no i personally dont listen to a band unles they have real talent!and i know hes told me we wouldnt do anything together sexualy but he must think we would cause hes always talking about it and im just not into that!and i personally think even though hes told me hes over his ex he realy ist i know when matt left i couldnt get over him and i still cant u really cant lose or get that image of ur first love for most of ur teen years i love u brandon w/ my mind not my heart im sorry!!i really am!!u r a very kind person and very sweet!u still love her lets face it!!

                           jacqueline